Kyuubi Capers
by becoafamu
Summary: Due to some Sharingan action gone wrong, Naruto and Sasuke end up inside of Kyuubi. Sasuke/Naruto. RATED M FOR MATURE.
1. Chapter 1

**Kyuubi Capers - Chapter 1**

Sasuke was awakened rather rudely. Something was tugging at his arm. His eyes opened slowly- it was hot here, very much so, he felt sluggish- and turned to see who was trying to get his attention.

Well, not a who so much as a _what._

Were he pressed to describe the creature, he would probably call it a giant slug. It was ghostly white, translucent, very wet, and from what he could see, it was trying to suck on his left arm. With one good smack from the _right _arm, however, it splashed to the ground and disappeared, almost as though it had never been solid at all. The goo dripping from Sasuke's arm was all that was left.

Where had _that _come from?

Sasuke was not the type to fall asleep and forget where he was. He'd been completely on-guard about his sleeping habits ever since the age of eight. He was also not the type to lose fights, and thus not the type to be knocked unconscious. Therefore, he was most certainly not the type to be awakened in weird places by slug attacks.

He took stock of his surroundings.

They were both dark and wet. He also wasn't alone. A familiar orange jumpsuit stood out, even in the blackness of the cavern.

Why was _Naruto _here?

Sasuke was _also_ not the type to suffer short-term memory loss.

He began piecing things together, but all he could remember was that he'd used the Sharingan to enter Naruto's mind. He remembered that it was an unsettling place, all industrial hallways and flooding, and the perfect opposite of what was _outside _Naruto's mind.

Given that he was in an unsettling, dark, and wet place, lying beside Naruto, and that the last place he remembered being was in an unsettling, dark, and wet place, standing beside Naruto, he deduced that he was still inside Naruto's mind. He came to this conclusion in seconds. He glanced over at Naruto.

The other boy was definitely unconscious, but he was breathing. For some reason, Sasuke found that irritating.

_Oh, right. I was going to kill him._

It was almost funny how easily he'd forgotten that particular detail.

Sasuke weighed his options. He _could _go ahead with the original plan and kill Naruto right now while he was unconscious, but that seemed like a bad idea. The most important thing was getting the hell out of Naruto's brain. He just needed to deactivate his Sharingan, and-

Nothing happened.

He could just_ deactivate his Sharingan _and-

Nothing happened. Again.

Sasuke quickly waved a hand in front of his eyes. The Sharingan wasn't active at all.

_Fuck._

Bad. The situation was extremely bad. Alarm bells went off in his mind. He forced them to stay quiet. He knew he had an explanation for this, he'd just… forgotten. A temporary setback. He began sorting the rest of his memories into working order.

He easily remembered things that had happened in the past. His childhood, the massacre, Itachi, his training with Orochimaru- all of it was still there. What he'd been doing before entering Naruto's mind was more blurry.

It was daytime. That meant he'd been asleep. Orochimaru always preferred to be active at night.

That weirdo- Sai- Sai showed up in his bedroom. Then, he blew up the east wing. Sasuke couldn't stop himself from indulging a gleeful smile at that one. Orochimaru's fortresses were pretty much the worst. Once the structure was gone, Naruto and Sakura appeared, along with a Jounin that Sasuke hadn't seen before. He called himself Yamato; Kakashi was not present. Sakura said nothing. Naruto screamed and cried. He was going to kill Naruto, yes, that was it- but Sai stopped him. Blah blah bonds blah blah Naruto blah. Then-

_Kyuubi._

Like usual, the damn fox was the thread where everything began to fall apart.

He'd caught sight of it trying to emerge from Naruto. He reached out to shut it down with the Sharingan.

And then, he woke up here.

In any case, the first step to figuring out what to do next was to get Naruto to tell him where they were. As distasteful as talking to him would be, the cavern he was standing in was very large, and setting off with no direction could be a disaster, especially if there was anything larger than those slugs wandering about.

Honestly. Why did Naruto have _attack slugs _living in his _brain_?

Life's great mysteries.

Sasuke forced himself to stand. He staggered towards Naruto's body. Except for rare, elevated dry patches like the one he'd awoken on, the ground was covered by a few inches of fluid, something strange that was thicker than water. With each step, Sasuke had to tug his feet free of the goo. Naruto was flat on his back and almost totally submerged in the stuff. His mouth and nose just barely peeked over the surface.

This wasn't the first time Sasuke had seen him incapacitated and helpless. He crouched down and grabbed him by the collar of his stupid jumpsuit.

"Wake up," he gritted out, giving Naruto a violent shake. "Wake _up_, idiot." The familiar taunt fell off his tongue so automatically, he barely noticed it. He shook Naruto's limp body again, and again. This continued for some time.

Sasuke grudgingly remembered that Naruto had always been incredibly difficult to wake up.

The longer he spent here- wherever here was- the more aware Sasuke became that he was trapped. The fact that the fox was nowhere to be seen, despite its taking up most of the space in Naruto's head, was making him uneasy. He could sense its chakra pressing in on him from all sides.

Naruto would know how to get out. This was Naruto's mind, after all. They'd never spoken about it, not really, but Sasuke was confident that Naruto would know how to deal with Kyuubi. He, meanwhile, forced down a feeling that was somewhere between amusement and bitterness. Three years of training with Konoha's most powerful missing-nin, and he was _still _stuck relying on Naruto, who of course had to look exactly like Sasuke remembered him. Well, older. His face wasn't quite as round. But the hair and the whiskers, those were the same.

Sasuke shook his head.

"_Please _wake up." He gave Naruto an especially hard shake. No response. Well, maybe he just wasn't being violent _enough._ Wasting chakra was a bad idea, but there was no rule against punching Naruto as hard as he could, right in his stupid face.

He did so.

Naruto's head snapped to the side with a miserable _crack_, but there was no sign of any emotion that he refused to label as _worry_ was beginning to spin around inside of him. Sweat was pouring down his body, and he didn't know if it was from nerves or from the heat.

Sasuke was no medic-nin, but Naruto's being comatose inside his own mind probably wasn't a good thing.

On top of that, the damn slug worm things were crawling out of the woodwork, and they would _not _leave him alone.

"Get _off_," he hissed, kicking a particularly bold creature every bit as hard as he wished he could kick Naruto's stupid thick skull without endangering his own safety. Two more of them were watching him from a few yards away. Well, "watching" as much as a creature with no eyes could watch.

Moving to higher ground was probably a good idea.

Sasuke lifted Naruto out of the goo. He didn't miss the way the stuff clung to Naruto's body, as if to pull him back down. Naruto felt _heavy, _almost too heavy for Sasuke to carry and move comfortably, which was unsettling- under normal circumstances, an average-sized teenage boy would feel like nothing. When he focused his chakra to the bottom of his feet to stand on top of the fluid, he was barely able to keep his balance. _Side effects from being inside the idiot's head, _he told himself. He searched for a dry place to leap to.

The cavern was large, large enough that Sasuke couldn't begin to see the ceiling or any other walls. What he could see was a network of webbed pathways stretching up and in every direction. He slung Naruto over his shoulder and hopped- it was supposed to be a graceful leap, but his legs were exhausted, and it ended up as more of a hop- to the nearest solid ground, and his feet connected to a surface that was both too slick for traction and too squishy for balance. Sasuke slid a good six inches before managing to catch himself, nearly dropping Naruto in the process.

He took the next few hops more slowly. By the time he was too exhausted to continue, he had barely made it two yards above where he'd started. He had also identified the problem.

Something- or someone- was suppressing his chakra.

_Kyuubi. _

Damn, stupid fox. Sasuke could feel his chakra _everywhere. _He set Naruto down and crouched to catch his breath. Was this a jutsu? No- Naruto could never learn something this complicated. But still, Sasuke's mind kept teasing at one buried memory.

Gaara's weird sleep jutsu.

Could Naruto have put himself to sleep on purpose?

Sasuke forced himself to replay the painful memory. He relived those moments, in blazing color- lying on a tree branch in crippling pain, waiting to be crushed by Shukaku at any moment, watching Naruto fight without him. How did Naruto break the jutsu?

By punching Gaara in the face.

Well, the first punch hadn't done anything, but it was worth a second try. Sasuke cracked his knuckles and drew back his fist. At least this would relieve some stress.

He barely managed to stop himself before his knuckles connected with a pair of sleepy blue eyes.

"…Sasuke?"

God. His voice was the same, too. Just… deeper. As he woke up, his face settled into that same dumb look he'd always had. A host of unwanted memories and feelings swept through him and were quickly bottled up and put away.

"Naruto," he greeted. He kept his own face carefully expressionless. His own eyes bored into Naruto's bright blue ones. Aggressive eye contact had always served to intimidate him before.

This time, though, was different.

Naruto appeared to be- hmm, how to put this delicately- a few buns short of a full basket.

For an instant, he looked at Sasuke with a sort of curious surprise. He didn't even have the common decency to be afraid of someone who'd just tried to kill him. Then, he groaned miserably.

"You're not really here," he mumbled. That was news to Sasuke. "Stupid- stupid-" Apparently, Naruto was so used to having visions of Sasuke dance in his head that he was unfazed by having the real thing sitting directly in front of him. The thought was disturbing.

"I am," he said bluntly. "As much as I wish I wasn't." The tiniest hint of his petulant younger self crept into his voice. He hated himself for it. Naruto eyed him suspiciously.

"That's just what _fake_ Sasuke would say."

"Idiot." Why did he work so hard to wake this moron up, again?

"Bastard," came the quick retort. Naruto sighed, the sort of deep, melodramatic sigh that Sasuke would expect from him. But what came next took Sasuke by surprise.

"It doesn't matter, anyway."

Sasuke had not once in his short life heard Naruto say that _anything _didn't matter. The idiot had traveled halfway across the world to chase someone who openly wanted to kill him, and had nearly succeeded twice. The bleak expression on his face was something Sasuke was sure he wouldn't be seeing, if only Naruto knew he was talking to the real Sasuke and not a phantom dredged up by his imagination.

"Where are we?" he asked.

"I don't know." Naruto turned his head away, a sure gesture of _I do know but I don't want to say it out loud._

"Yes you do," Sasuke pressed. Naruto bit his lip.

When he finally spoke, his eyes flashed a violent orange.

"I'm inside Kyuubi."

_Inside _the infamousnine-tailed demon fox. _Inside _meant _swallowed._

Sasuke's mouth went dry.

"You mean inside your head," he corrected. Naruto shook his head. A slow and entirely inappropriate smile was spreading over his lips.

"I mean inside Kyuubi inside in my head." He broke into an exuberant grin. "We're fucked, fake Sasuke."

_We're fucked, fake Sasuke._

"How did that happen?" Sasuke kept his voice perfectly even. He would not panic. _He would not panic._ The Uchiha were not a clan of panickers.

"Sasuke showed up in my head and did some wacky Sharingan shit. Now I'm inside Kyuubi, and the stupid fox is making me see things." He sighed, low and melancholy. "He's just mad at me because he had to sit in that cage all those years…"

"Stop talking about me like I'm not right here." Naruto stuck his tongue out. It was all Sasuke could do to keep from hitting him a third time. Swallowing his dignity, he spoke on Naruto's level. "When Sasuke showed up in your head, he got trapped, too," he muttered.

"Really?" Naruto asked slowly. Sasuke didn't answer. Naruto asked again. "It's really you?"

"Really me," he confirmed. Naruto stared at him for a long moment. Sasuke was uncomfortably aware of how close together they were. Of course, he'd whispered into Naruto's ear what felt like mere minutes before, but at that time, he'd had chakra and a sword. Now, he could barely walk.

Naruto reached out and poked him. The spot burned. Sasuke didn't react. Naruto's mouth slipped open into a small "oh."

"It is you," he whispered. Sasuke nodded. They were finally getting somewhere. If Naruto could accept that he was actually here, then he could-

Well, punch him in the face was one option.

Sasuke's nose cracked as the fist connected. Unlike himself, Naruto appeared to be in top fighting condition, or past it. He was _overflowing_ with chakra. His eyes burned shimmering orange and refused to fade. Sasuke stumbled back, and Naruto used the extra space to kick him in the stomach, as hard as he could while lying down.

Sasuke reached impotently for his hard-earned perch as he fell back down into the muck.

The stuff didn't even make a splash. It just surrounded his body with a thick _squelch. _Gasping with revulsion, he propped himself up on his elbows, barely summoning the strength to keep his head and neck above goo-level.

"What the _fuck, _Sasuke!" Naruto screamed. How could he scream? Sasuke was struggling just to take normal breaths. "You couldn't just stab me like a normal fucking person? Did your best friend _Orochimaru _teach you to kill people by scrambling their brains?"

_He still thinks I'm going to kill him, _Sasuke thought. He frowned. _No- he thinks I already did._

"You stupid fuck," Naruto babbled, verging on hysteria. Sasuke barely picked up half of what he was saying. "You just disappear- we chased after you- Neji and Choji nearly _died_- and Sakura-chan- you put a _hand _through my _chest_- we went all the way to Sound- and Sai is just the worst- and- and-"

"Naruto," he said coolly. His head was pounding. "How do we get out of here."

His erstwhile closest friend shouted the answer he'd been dreading.

"We _can't_!"

They were stuck here forever.

No. He was lying. Sasuke wasn't in on Naruto's relations with his personal demon, but there _had _to be a way to get the creature to let them go. Naruto was exaggerating. Never mind that Uzumaki Naruto was the absolute last person in the five kingdoms who would _ever_ say that something was impossible if it wasn't.

"Eventually, I'll be fully absorbed into Kyuubi," Naruto whispered. "Who knows what'll happen to you. Maybe you'll get digested. Or maybe you'll just get to sit in here forever. Oh, maybe Kyuubi will let your sorry ass have his old cage. I don't know."

"Did you actually get dumber since the last time I saw you?" Sasuke's head was splitting. He was familiar with this sensation- it was chakra fatigue.

So the fox was somehow _stealing _his chakra, not just suppressing it. Cool.

"Look who's talking!" Naruto was still shouting. "Mr. "I'm going to give my body to Orochimaru!" Well, instead you're giving your soul to the nine-tailed demon fox. Congratulations. Glad your life was so fucking important to you."

Sasuke did his best to ignore the words. His own life _wasn't _important.

His body was becoming heavier and heavier. The heat was unbearable. He was unable to support his own weight anymore. He was sliding down into the goo. Naruto's voice was distant.

"Sasuke? Hey, Sasuke-"

The ugly white slug creatures were huddling at the edge of his vision. So if this was what was inside the Kyuubi, those things were probably part of its digestive system. The thought was unpleasant. They were slithering towards him, ready to pull him apart. He wondered, briefly, if being absorbed into Orochimaru would have been any more dignified.

_You know, _he thought idly, as the first slug latched on to one of his legs, _Kyuubi's insides seem way bigger than his outsides. _No, that was a stupid last thought.

_Too bad I never got to kill Itachi._

_Sorry, Mom. … Dad._

"Sasuke- Sasuke!" Naruto's voice was getting louder. The slugs were disappearing. "You're so stupid! You're not supposed to just _lie_ there. Why aren't you fighting them off? Sasuke?"

Sasuke refused to say _I can't._

* * *

><p>SECOND NARUTO FIC EVER LOL<p>

This fic was written for the Winter 2011 SasuNaru LJ Fic Exchange. (I don't know the official title, but it's long! The livejournal community is neo_sn_exchange.) The prompt I was given was:

_A Subtle portrayal of Naruto/Sasuke. The sky is your limit though because I'm easily excited. To get the inspiration ball rolling (kinks): good plot, highschool, revolutions, superheros, hokage!Naruto, monsters, jealousy _

_Squicks: Out of characterness. Overt dominance of one character over the other. Fluff, PWP, furries, underage_

As TOTALLY AWESOME as it would have been to write a story about Naruto acquiring superpowers and being plucked out of high school to lead a revolution against Konoha's government thus becoming Hokage except that there's also monsters and Sasuke is jealous about it, I had to pick a couple to work with. I chose monsters and jealousy. This was inspired by that filler arc with the three-tails, where Naruto and Guren get trapped inside of it and there's like, a frickin' alternate dimension in there. Also, I don't know if "PWP" means "no porn at all," but there's going to be porn later. I mean, duh.

Oh, and it's due tomorrow, so it's already 90% finished, so updates will be fast. WOOT. Go me. I am the coolest.

Review my shit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Kyuubi Capers - Chapter 2**

Naruto watched over Sasuke. After rescuing him from certain death, Naruto had carried him up to a ledge high above the sea of digestive fluids, set him down, and proceeded to stand guard.

After all, it's not like he needed sleep, not here.

In fact, he was entirely sure that he was never supposed to have woken up in the first place. When Kyuubi consumed them both, that was supposed to be the end. Sasuke, though, Sasuke had woken up, and Sasuke had managed to wake him up. Sasuke pulled him back from the edge and reignited the flame that was entirely _Naruto _and not Kyuubi. Sasuke was the only reason his own consciousness hadn't already faded away into nothing.

For that, Naruto didn't mind protecting him from Kyuubi, especially since he had nothing better to do for _literally all of eternity_.

He wondered what had happened to his body. Had it already transformed into the nine-tailed demon fox? Was he going on a rampage through the Kingdom of Fire? Maybe the fox had already been sealed into a new vessel. So, that would mean that Naruto was inside of a demon inside of a seal inside of a seal.

Great. He was never getting out.

"This is your fault," he muttered to Sasuke. "Why couldn't you just stay in Konoha? Why'd you have to go and mess around with learning jutsus you can't control?" He sighed. "We would've helped you get Itachi, you know. Akatsuki is my enemy, too. And you know Sakura-chan would do anything for you, no matter how stupid it is."

Sasuke didn't answer. His slow, rhythmic breathing told Naruto he wasn't dead.

"She still likes you better than me," he grumbled. "Even though you're a giant douche." Petty emotions tumbled out of Naruto's mouth like word vomit. He'd never be this honest with Sasuke in real life. Partly, it was because being near Sasuke made him feel like he was thirteen again.

Mostly, it was because his mind was going. When he opened his mouth, he had no idea what would come out next.

His memories were fading away.

Not all of them. His memory wasn't that great to begin with, so it didn't really mean anything, and they usually came back. But every time Naruto couldn't remember something- even a small, miniscule detail he never would have thought important- his stomach would fill with uncontrollable panic. Then, that panic would reassure him that he was still himself. But after that, he'd panic because he wasn't going to be himself anymore sometime in the future, most likely very soon.

To fill his head, he went through every memory he had, carefully, and in chronological order. When it became too hard to think about, he started saying his thoughts out loud. He'd already relayed his entire life story to Sasuke's unconscious body at least twice. With each re-telling, the side characters began to fade away, and Sasuke became more prominent. By the fifth installment, his story had morphed into some sort of over-involved teen drama about their super intense rivalry and best friendship, and the side characters were barely mentioned at all.

"We met at school," Naruto said dreamily. "You remember, don't you? Of course you do. You were _so _cool and you were good at _everything. _But I didn't have any parents so everyone treated me funny and I was, you know, sad about it. But then one day, all of the teachers were really upset, and I heard someone saying that your family had been killed! And I was so happy, because I wasn't the only one without parents anymore. Oh, crap, that makes me sound like an asshole, doesn't it."

"Yes it does. Idiot."

Naruto was so caught up in all the conversations he'd had with Sasuke that only existed in the past, that for a moment, he didn't even realize that the real deal had actually spoken. Sasuke's eyes opened, only slightly, just enough to glare. His eyes were darker than Naruto remembered. All of their warmth was gone. Taken off guard, Naruto stumbled into action.

"Wha-? Sasuke! Have you been listening this whole time?" he yelled. One of Sasuke's eyebrows raised, ever-so-slightly- it was a gesture that anyone besides Naruto would have missed.

"You _were_ talking to me, weren't you?" Naruto struggled to find grounds to deny the accusation, and came up blank. He sputtered out an awkward retort.

"Then why didn't you answer?"

"Conserving energy," Sasuke said blandly. Naruto stuck his tongue out.

"You're welcome for saving your life, asshole."

"Didn't ask you to."

"I hate you."

"Deal with it." Naruto suspected that he and Sasuke were incapable of having normal, adult conversations. They were incapable before, they were incapable now. Every conversation they had devolved into banter. There was no use trying to fight it.

"Your memory is going," Sasuke observed after a long pause. So, he _had _noticed.

"I know." Naruto dipped his head, frowning. "How bad is it?"

"Your favorite teacher's name is Iruka. Hyuuga Hinata is from the head family and Hyuuga Neji is from the branch family. You didn't fight Gaara- his name is Gaara, by the way- during the Chuunin exams, you fought him afterwards. Wednesday comes _after_ Tuesday. The fifth Hokage's name is Tsunade and she is not your biological grandmother."

"I never said she was!"

"You just told me you live together."

"I meant I'd live in the Hokage's quarters someday!"

"No, you meant that she raised you as a child. Which is not true." Sasuke paused. "Anyway, that's just off the top of my head. You're losing focus, too."

"I've never been focused," Naruto muttered. "It's not in my blood. That's why there's a leaf on the Konoha headband, you know. The ninjas used to practice concentration by resting a leaf on their foreheads." Sasuke snorted. It was the closest Naruto had ever come to hearing him laugh.

"You remember something like that, but you don't remember that Wednesday comes after Tuesday?" He raised an excellent point. Naruto's brain was a-scrambles.

"Maybe Kyuubi didn't think that information would be useful," he said bitterly. Sasuke said nothing.

Stupid Sasuke.

His expression was blank, and his tone was deadpan. Except to speak, he hadn't moved at all since waking up. He maintained his cold, controlling demeanor even while being too weak to move. He was completely infuriating.

Naruto was amazed at the depth of knowledge he'd retained about Konoha, though.

_So, you do think about us._

"How are you feeling?" Naruto was suddenly aware of just how very close he was to Sasuke's body. The ledge wasn't that large, after all, and he'd stayed close in the hopes that he could share some of his chakra with Sasuke. He didn't know if it was working. He was no medic-nin, though he was pretty sure he knew a couple of them.

"I'm fine."

"Your chakra is really low."

"No thanks to your damn fox." Naruto raised an eyebrow. Sasuke thought that _Kyuubi _was depleting his chakra? It didn't make much sense to Naruto, since his own chakra was going strong, even as Kyuubi's flooded into his body and tried to take over.

"Really? You think it's him?"

"_Something's_ taking my chakra." Ah. So he had no idea, he was just pretending he did. Typical Sasuke.

"Yeah, but Kyuubi _hates _you." Naruto paused. "Um, no offense." Sasuke's chakra would be little more than a drop in a bucket to Kyuubi, who didn't even _need _to eat, as far as Naruto could tell. If he did feed on anything, it was malice. And he really, _really _hated the Uchiha clan, every last one of them, to a degree that made Naruto wonder how he'd ever managed to befriend one in the first place.

As it was, here inside Kyuubi, an uneasy camaraderie had settled between them. Naruto hadn't really been aware of it while Sasuke was unconscious, but now, he could think of nothing else.

Sasuke wanted to _kill _him. Naruto wanted to break all of Sasuke's limbs and drag him back home.

Relations between them were strained at best.

But at the same time, now that they were trapped together, they'd settled back into their refreshingly non-violent pre-teenage routine of swapping insults and glaring at each other.

It was weird.

While he was losing himself in thought, Sasuke was glaring at him. Like usual, Naruto was unable to shake the feeling that Sasuke could see what he was thinking. Fuck, Sasuke had used his _eyes _to _force himself into Naruto's brain._

That shit was _not _normal.

"Naruto," said Sasuke. "We need to get out of here." His voice dripped with unearned authority. Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Sasuke," he replied curtly. "I already told you we can't." Honestly, did Sasuke really think he'd lie about something like this? It's not like Naruto _wanted _to die. The whole situation was Sasuke's fault to begin with, and it was only by dumb luck that they were still alive at all.

"Think harder." Sasuke's voice had an edge, the kind he always used when he was trying to be threatening. Naruto had grown accustomed to responding with sarcasm. Now was no different. He chirped happily:

"Monday, Wednesday, Tuesday, Thursday-"

"Ok, I'll think," Sasuke muttered, cutting him off. He closed his eyes, much the way this guy Naruto used to know did when he was thinking of what to do next, only Sasuke looked way less cool. An indeterminate amount of time passed, and he opened his eyes.

"Do you remember the hand signs for your Shadow Clone jutsu?"

_That _was his big idea?

"There's no way I could make enough clones to break open something this big!" Naruto sputtered, before he could stop himself. Yes, the Shadow Clone jutsu had served him well in his past experiences with getting eaten by monsters, but- wait, why had he been eaten by more than one monster in his life?

"What? I meant to look for an exit," Sasuke said impatiently.

"I got eaten by this snake once-"

"Focus." Naruto snapped back to the present.

"Demon foxes don't have exits," he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. He couldn't be sure, but what looked like a tiny smile was fighting the corners of Sasuke's mouth.

"If it's like any other animal, there should be two of them." Naruto considered the implications of that statement.

"Gross, Sasuke."

"Try your clone jutsu."

Despite Naruto's repeated self-assurances that he could _never _forget the Shadow Clone jutsu- seriously, some mornings he needed to use it even to get dressed, and how was he supposed to spy on his coworkers without it?- the first time he tried, he fumbled through the signs. He waited for Sasuke to make an impolite jab, but none came.

_Oh, right. He needs me to do this, so he's keeping his mouth shut. _

Naruto refused to feel grateful.

Two more tries, and he wasn't doing any better. He tried once more, for Sasuke's sake, but when his hands slipped, he gave up.

"This is pointless," he said, throwing his hands in the air. "I don't even know if I can mold chakra in here! Seriously, Sasuke, just accept it. This is the end. I mean, we're stuck with each other, but it's better than being alone, right?" There was almost a heartfelt sentiment in that mush.

Naruto tried not to think about it, which meant that the almost-heartfelt-sentiment went on a stampede through his weakened mind.

Honestly?

Naruto was glad Sasuke was with him.

Just from being near Sasuke, the emotional turmoil that he carried with him wherever he went had calmed. Even if they were just sniping at each other, at least this way, Naruto got to talk to his best friend again before falling asleep forever and going on a rampage and destroying the world. If Sasuke agreed with him, he didn't say so. Instead, a wry, ugly smile twisted his lips, and he spoke quietly.

"I never thought I'd hear _you _tell _me _to accept a bad situation for what it was."

Naruto stared at him.

Memories floated back into his head. Memories of him calling Sasuke a scaredy-cat, and telling him to stand back and let Naruto fight, and all sorts of other things. But all he could think was:

_Hell _no.

_No way_ was Sasuke going to lecture Naruto on irony, or being a hypocrite, or whatever. Under no circumstances. It wasn't his fault that Sasuke didn't know what they were dealing with.

"Kyuubi is different," he snapped. "You don't _stop _Kyuubi!" Sasuke's smile got uglier.

"The Fourth Hokage did."

Naruto's stomach tightened.

The Fourth Hokage. The one who'd gotten him into this mess. It was because of _him_ that all of this had happened.

"The Fourth didn't _stop_ Kyuubi," he said, cold as ice. "He just _stuck him in a cage_! A cage that, obviously, isn't even permanent! That's not _stopping. _That's _delaying." _His lip trembled._ "_Even if I were killed and Kyuubi died with me, he'd just _come back _a few years later! More delays_. _So now he's _my _problem, even though I never asked for this shit." He stared directly into Sasuke's dull black eyes. "Don't you _dare_ talk to me about the Fourth Hokage."

Sasuke absorbed this information slowly. When it became apparent that Naruto wasn't going to say anything else, he sat up, surprisingly quickly for someone who hadn't been able to move at all, um, however long ago that was.

"I'm going to go find an exit," he announced, as if to say _I just sat up_ or _my name is Sasuke_.

"No. No you're not." Sasuke, however, had already slipped off the side of the ledge and disappeared. Naruto's eyes widened. "Sasuke?"

No response.

"Sasuke!" He could see, all too well, the picture of his first and best friend walking away from him. Leaving him behind.

Just like always, despite any and all advice given to him by other people or his own common sense, Naruto had no choice but to chase after him.

"God dammit," he screamed. "It took me this long to catch you- I am _not_ letting you go searching for Kyuubi's asshole by yourself! _Sasuke_!"

* * *

><p>My biggest worry with this fic was that I made Naruto too stupid. My trusty beta Axel's Roxas was all "It's cool, dude. Naruto IS stupid." So- yay stupid Naruto!<p>

BREAKING NEWS: Wednesday comes after Tuesday. Pass it on.


	3. Chapter 3

HERE THERE BE PORN. Watch out, y'all.

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><p><strong>Kyuubi Capers - Chapter 3<strong>

Sasuke was manipulative. It was a fact of life. The sky was blue. The grass was green. Oh, you spoke to Uchiha Sasuke today? He was probably manipulating you.

Naruto wasn't willing to do anything to save himself. That was fine. Sasuke knew beyond the slightest of doubts, however, that Naruto would do _anything _to save _him_. It had been irritating in the past, but now, he was going to use it to his advantage.

To be honest, he kind of liked the attention. Naruto was much less creepy than Orochimaru, that was for sure.

He tumbled down off of the ledge that Naruto had chosen for them. Kyuubi's insides were so dark, he was sure Naruto would have lost sight of him immediately. All he had to do was run a few yards away and hide. Then, Naruto would _have _to use clones to find him.

"Sasuke! I swear to God! _Sasuke_!" Delighting in the sound of Naruto's frantic shouts, Sasuke found a low branch, crouched, and waited. He hadn't recovered enough chakra to be comfortable using the Sharingan, but he could move again, and the creatures who lived here weren't very fast. For the moment, he was confident in his own safety.

Unfortunately, he was forced to think long-term.

Naruto's deteriorating mental state had him worried. He was powerfully affected by being in this place- a sure sign of Kyuubi's influence. Sasuke himself was quite sure that his own memories were fine. So- his chakra was being ground down, and Naruto's mind was slipping away.

At this rate, neither of them had much longer to find an exit.

"Don't be stupid! You can't survive in here by yourself," Naruto yelled. "What if those monsters find you?"

_I can defend myself from a few stupid slugs, _Sasuke thought. Naruto kept talking, almost as if he'd heard what Sasuke was thinking.

"You couldn't even defend yourself against a fox in a cage in someone else's mind. You're a mess." At that, Sasuke scowled. _Naruto, _of all people, had no grounds to say _he _was messed up. And even though Sasuke remained perfectly silent, Naruto just kept on going. Even though, if the sound of his voice was any indication, he was moving farther away.

_I'm not a mess. I'm focused. That probably looks messy to someone as backwards as you. _

"If you die here, who's going to kill Itachi?" Sasuke did not like hearing Itachi's name in Naruto's voice.

_I won't die here. Besides, weren't __**you **__the one saying there's no way out?_

"Sakura-chan will be really sad!"

_Like I care._

"_I'll _be really sad." The last words slipped out of Naruto's mouth as easily as a breath. Sasuke wasn't sure he was supposed to hear them. They sounded like another symptom of Naruto's sudden loss of inner monologue.

But hear them he did.

He already knew that Naruto missed him. At least, he could infer that, from the way his former friend was always following him around and screaming at him to come home. He'd never really thought about it, though.

But it's not like it mattered.

He was going to kill Naruto to obtain the Mangekyou- that was a given. He'd come close twice now. The first time he'd decided he was too good to follow Itachi's orders. The second time, that freak Sai had gotten in the way.

Or had he?

Sasuke had covered the ground from the cliff to Naruto's side in an instant. If he'd wanted to run Naruto through with a sword, he could have. Even allowing for a few moments of taunting Naruto at before end, he was more than capable of gutting the boy before anyone would have been able to intervene. Sasuke was extremely confident in his speed.

This time, however, he'd been too slow. Naruto was still alive.

He wanted Naruto dead, but Naruto was still alive.

It was a whim- he _really_ didn't want to take Itachi's advice-

"Hey, Sasuke!"

The voice came from above him.

Sasuke had been overconfident. He'd allowed himself to be distracted by his own thoughts. If he'd been paying attention, he would've moved when he sensed Naruto getting close. As it was, his pesky shadow was perched upside down on the branch above him, his chakra control perfect, staring down with a big, stupid smile on his face.

"You found me," Sasuke said.

"I will _always _find you." If Naruto realized how that sounded, he didn't show it.

"You didn't even have to use clones."

"I can sense where you are." Sasuke absorbed this information. He was the only other living thing in this cavern, so of course it would be easy to sense him. He just hadn't thought Naruto would know how to, or more likely, would even think to try to locate him using his chakra. Either way, he'd wasted precious time.

"So instead of just coming straight here, you decided to wander around and shout at me in the dark?"

"It took me a while to figure it out."

"Of course it did." Naruto- well, Naruto wasn't that smart. He never had been. Sasuke was forced to admit, grudgingly, that he did have a few other things going for him, including some excellent instincts. Given that everyone in the world was after him, yet he was still alive, Naruto had to be very good at surviving his battles. Sasuke pieced together what he'd learned from growing up with him.

Naruto's attack style was relentless. There was little to no strategy involved. Whenever he got cornered, he simply drew up more of his near-endless supply of power, and pounded away until he destroyed everything in his path. Sasuke had survived their fight only because of a combination of the Curse Seal and Naruto's stupid, boyish pride.

Of course it hadn't occurred to him that he could knock Sasuke out and _then _scratch his forehead.

"Don't do that again," Naruto said. He hopped down from his perch, towards the branch where Sasuke was sitting. Unfortunately, Sasuke's own defensive instincts were so wired from living with Orochimaru, that at the sight of a person leaping towards him, his Sharingan activated automatically. This caused two problems.

First, the sudden use of chakra gave Sasuke a splitting headache.

Second, he saw what happened next in excruciating detail.

Naruto did a neat flip and went to land on his feet. He hadn't counted on not finding sure footing. When his feet hit the squishy branch, he stumbled and slid. Directly toward Sasuke. He really should have just jumped out of the way, but he was so exhausted, and there were no ledges nearby to leap to. Instead, he just put his arms out to stop Naruto's fall.

He _did _manage to catch Naruto's wrists.

The rest of Naruto's torso was still coming towards him.

Naruto's _face _was coming towards him.

Seriously. It was _really _close.

Naruto's lips were on his lips.

He knew what Naruto tasted like.

Time stopped.

Then it started again.

Naruto squealed and yanked himself away. The Sharingan mapped the surprise and dismay all over his face. Sasuke's head ached even more, and he quickly deactivated his jutsu and turned away, mostly to hide the un-hideable fact that he was blushing. He could also feel himself scowling.

"Why does this keep happening?" Naruto sputtered.

"_You're _the one who keeps falling on _me_," Sasuke pointed out, as calmly as he could. The Uchiha were a proud and modest people. Physical contact of any kind made him feel funny all over. He was certainly nothing like _Naruto, _who spent all his free time sneaking around porn stores, or Kakashi, with his damned smut novels.

"Oh, like you don't like it!" Naruto screamed. His face was bright red.

"_What_?"

"Don't act like I'm- like I'm _gross_ or something!" Sasuke may or may not have been gaping at him.

"What are you even-"

"Other people would be _happy _to kiss me!"

"Um." Sasuke was extremely far out of his comfort zone. He wanted to go back to having Naruto try to claw his eyes out. He had no idea how to respond to Naruto's concerns that Sasuke didn't want to, uh, kiss him. Unless-

"Naruto," he said. "You've never been kissed."

"Like you have!" Naruto shouted immediately, giving away his secret. A small smirk tugged at Sasuke's lips. Naruto was obviously upset about this. Ok, so, he'd never actually, you know, _done _anything, either. But that didn't mean he couldn't rub it in that girls liked him better. That had always been one of Naruto's sore spots.

"Hn," he said simply, adding his best confident smirk.

"Oh, whatever," Naruto spat. He affected an extremely uncharitable rendition of Sasuke's voice. "Ooo, I'm Sasuke-kun! I'm sooo handsome and girls like me sooo much! That doesn't change the fact that I'm a _raging douchebag._" Sasuke ignored most of it and went straight to the meaty bits.

"You think I'm handsome?" Naruto's blush deepened.

"Sh-shut up!"

"You're the one who keeps _trying to kiss me. _Too bad you can't even do _that _ right."

"I said _shut up_!" Sasuke knew immediately that he'd gone too far. Naruto's eyes were on fire. He reached out and grabbed a fistful of Sasuke's hair. Sasuke thought for an instant that Naruto was just going to yank on it, like the other kids always did when he was little, but instead-

Naruto tugged him forward, and kissed him.

Again. Intentionally. For real.

It was rough and clumsy. Naruto wasn't very graceful. But what he lacked in experience, he made up in… enthusiasm. Sasuke froze, surprised by the intensity with which Naruto was eating at his face.

"Idiot!" he spat. "What are you doing?" He tried to push Naruto away, but the other boy was too strong. His breath was hot, far hotter than an ordinary human's, a sure sign of Kyuubi's influence. Naruto refused to relent.

"You bastard," he whispered. "You stupid, _stupid_ bastard. Why don't you get it?" And then he was kissing Sasuke again. Something hot and wet pressed against Sasuke's face. Naruto was crying. Or maybe those were Sasuke's tears- there was no way of knowing, really-

And there was no way of knowing why Sasuke kissed him back.

Things were awkward at first. Naruto was unable to hide his surprise. The rhythm was off. Just like always, they were fighting each other. Sasuke fought down the urge to use Sharingan to determine exactly what Naruto was doing. But as soon as they were able to match up their movements, a fire was ignited between them. Sasuke, delicate little Sasuke, who had pretended his whole life to have no sexual desires at all, was suddenly wondering how he'd ever lived without this. His entire body was screaming with want. Naruto's fist was still clumped in his hair.

He wanted Naruto all over, him _and _his delicious red chakra.

As the making out continued, he slowly became aware that he was hardening up down below. So was Naruto- he could feel it through his what suddenly seemed like woefully thin pants. A quick rush of embarrassment and shame shot through him- really, with another dude?

But he didn't want to stop.

Their kisses were becoming frantic. Naruto's tongue darted in and out of his mouth. For someone who'd never been kissed before, he was extremely confident. Finally, he broke the kiss and pushed Sasuke back against the trunk of the branch they were sitting on. Sasuke's back sunk into the soft, gooey structure.

Staring directly into Sasuke's eyes with an expression that _dared _him to say no, Naruto crept up to Sasuke, climbed on top of him, and rubbed their hips together.

Both of them jerked back and gasped out loud.

Slowly, almost experimentally, Naruto rubbed himself against Sasuke again. Sasuke closed his throat to stifle a moan. He had no idea what his face looked like, but he did know that Naruto was staring at him like he was the most amazing thing he'd ever seen.

"_Sasuke_," he grunted. "Please- I can use sexy jutsu-"

"Don't you dare," Sasuke panted, before he could stop himself. His voice was gravely and very unlike what he was used to. "Stay like this." It was unsettling, but he'd come to a realization.

He needed to fuck Naruto.

It wasn't an option. He was like a man in a desert who'd just stumbled upon a lake.

Naruto was already undressing himself. He tore off his jacket and shirt and tossed them aside. His stomach was covered by a wide spiral mark. Sasuke had never seen it before, and it wasn't like he and Naruto hadn't bathed together when they were on the same genin team.

"What is that?" He indicated the spiral with a jerk of his chin.

"Kyuubi's seal," Naruto said quietly. Sasuke vaguely remembered Orochimaru doing something to Naruto's stomach in the past. That must have been why. He reached out and touched it, tracing his way around the large pattern. Naruto shivered.

Sasuke's loose clothes were much easier to remove. His shirt was already off- he wasn't sure where it had gone, actually- and as soon as the rope belting his pants on was removed, the rest of his clothes slipped away. Naruto tore at his underwear like a man possessed. When all of the fabric was gone, Sasuke's needy cock sprang free, resting against his thigh, swollen and purple and begging for attention.

He'd been naked in front of Naruto before. But not _sex _naked. He forced his expression to stay neutral, though he couldn't stop a hot blush from creeping over his nose and cheeks.

_Stay cool, _he thought. _Make Naruto do everything._

Naruto was tugging his own clothes off and tossing them aside. He lookedalmost as aroused as Sasuke felt. Naruto crawled back towards him and straddled his hips.

They brushed against each other.

Sasuke _swore_.

Naruto wrapped his rough tan hand around both of them and began to rub. Sasuke's head tilted back and, despite his best efforts, he let out a tiny cry. He was paralyzed by Naruto's touches. He couldn't move even if he wanted to. Naruto leaned forward and pressed his hot lips against Sasuke's neck, and his hand moved painfully slowly, up and down, and it wasn't enough.

Sasuke wanted more.

"It's not enough," he said. Naruto nodded a quick agreement. Without saying a word, he used one hand to scoop up some of the slime dripping off the branch they were sitting on. Sasuke watched curiously. When Naruto reached down and started smearing the goop all over his most delicate bits, though, he grew concerned.

"What are you doing?" he snapped. He didn't stop Naruto from doing it, though, because it felt _really fucking good._

He was weak.

"Can't do it without lube," Naruto gasped. He took his slippery hand and reached it behind his back. Sasuke watched, enthralled, as Naruto shoved two fingers inside himself, and moaned lightly.

He wondered if Naruto had done this before. He didn't realize he'd asked the question out loud.

"Uh, no," Naruto stammered. His hand was still up his ass. "I mean, n-not with another guy. Just, you know, um- by myself." He squeaked out the last part, like he was terribly embarrassed. Sasuke considered this information.

He was watching Naruto touch himself the same way he did when no one was around.

Warm-up time was over.

He grabbed Naruto's hips and tugged him close, knocking him off balance. He wasn't sure what to do after that, so he was happy when Naruto took the initiative.

"Don't move," Naruto said sternly. He wrapped his hand around Sasuke's cock. Sasuke tingled all over. He could feel his tip pressing eagerly against the tiny hole that Naruto's fingers had been darting in and out of moments before. Naruto's legs were spread, his back was arched, his hips were pushed upwards towards Sasuke, and Sasuke was being treated to his very own personal porno.

It was _way _better than the store-bought kind.

Naruto began to lower himself onto Sasuke's dick. Sasuke bit his lip. Naruto tilted his head back and let out a breathy moan. Naruto's body was hot, and tight- Sasuke felt like it would go on forever. Too soon, he was buried as far as he could go, with Naruto's round ass brushing against his sensitive balls.

"Mmm," Naruto said, finally, his voice hoarse. "You're really big." Sasuke couldn't fight down a smirk at that one, despite the fact that he was losing control of his body. His heart was racing. Sweat was dripping off of his body. The muscles in his legs were trembling.

Naruto pressed his hands against Sasuke's shoulders, and he slowly began to lift himself back up. If it were possible, pulling out of Naruto felt even better than going in. As the pressure was released, blood rushed back into Sasuke's groin, making him light-headed. And once he was outside of Naruto, he was desperate to shove himself back in.

"Ok, I think I've got it now," said Naruto with a smile, the same dorky smile he got whenever Sasuke acknowledged him at all. It almost- almost!- made Sasuke want to smile back.

He didn't get a chance, though, because Naruto forced himself back down. Hard. Much faster than last time.

Sasuke couldn't stop himself from crying out.

"Aha!" Naruto grinned. "You _do _like it."

"This better than doing it by yourself?" Sasuke shot back. Naruto leered at him.

"Much, _much _better."

"Then hurry it up." It was an order, a challenge, and a request.

Naruto didn't need to be told twice.

He leaned forward into Sasuke's body, his head resting on Sasuke's shoulder, his hot, breathy moans forceful against Sasuke's skin. His fingers slipped behind Sasuke's shoulders into a loose cross-hug. Sasuke was unsure what to do with his own hands, so he put them on Naruto's thighs. He seemed to like that, so Sasuke left them there.

They started up again in an aggressive rhythm.

Naruto cried out with every thrust. Each time he moved, he seemed to try to press himself closer to Sasuke. Sasuke was unbearably hot, though whether it was from Kyuubi, or Naruto, or his own damned arousal, he couldn't be sure. His fingernails dug into Naruto's skin. Naruto returned the gesture. Sasuke was sure that the claws were drawing blood across his back- he didn't even care- his body was on fire-

"Ah- Naruto-" he gasped. Naruto pushed harder. He could feel Naruto's cock rubbing against his stomach. A hot, tight sensation was starting to pool there. In the back of his mind, he knew what that meant, but it felt so _intense- _almost like it _hurt. _

His body was screaming to be let go.

"Naruto," he moaned again, not even caring how he sounded anymore. This was Naruto, after all. Warm, safe Naruto, the one who fought with him constantly, but always came back. The one who loved him unconditionally.

Wait-

"Sasuke!" Naruto screamed his name, then bit down on his shoulder to stop himself from crying out. The sudden, sharp pain pushed Sasuke over the edge.

He came so hard his Sharingan activated.

His eyes wide with surprise, inconherent rambling moans tumbling out of his mouth, Sasuke was forced to memorize everything- the way Naruto's hips bucked when he came, the way his shoulders jerked back when he breathed. Sasuke's own body shook as he emptied himself into Naruto. He felt like he was going to pump himself into his friend until there was nothing left. But then, the tide slowed, and Sasuke leaned back against the mushy branch, gasping for breath.

Naruto hadn't reached his end yet. Once Sasuke was done, he arched his back and pushed himself away. Sasuke's Sharingan watched, in infinitesimal detail, as Naruto pushed himself away, his back arched, his legs spread. He saw the way Naruto's Adam's apple bobbed as he moaned, the droplets of sweat sliding down his chest, the turmoil of chakra surrounding Kyuubi's seal. He saw Naruto reach down, grasp his own length, and give it one furious pump. He saw every single rope of jizz that came shooting out, all over his own stomach, then dripping down towards his legs, satisfied that its mission had been completed.

Naruto moaned softly and slumped forward against Sasuke. Their breathing slowly returned to normal. Sasuke made no effort to clean himself up, or remove himself from Naruto's body. He could feel Naruto's lips move against his skin.

"I'm tired," he mumbled.

"Hn," he said. Sasuke was not tired. In fact, he felt _great- _better than he had since falling into this hell hole. He found himself not wanting to disturb Naruto, though, so he closed his eyes.

For an instant, he felt content.

* * *

><p>END PORN.<p>

Don't worry. There's more chapters. MORE CHAPTERS!

Review my shit some more.


	4. Chapter 4

**Kyuubi Capers - Chapter 4**

When Naruto awoke, he found himself wondering why he felt like all of his most wildest dreams had come true.

Then he realized that he was naked, and he was lying on top of Sasuke, who was also naked.

He remembered everything that had happened before he'd gone to sleep.

Naruto felt like all his most wildest dreams had come true.

For once, he felt like he'd gotten through to Sasuke. He'd told his friend how he felt. Naruto couldn't be sure how long it had been since he'd began loving Sasuke, especially given that his memory was scrambled. But now, for the first time, instead of chasing after Sasuke and waxing idiotic about what _close friends _they were, he'd told- uh, shown- Sasuke the truth.

And Sasuke hadn't run away. In fact, he'd _reciprocated._

Naruto, aware of his nakedness, did a cursory look around for his clothes. They were nowhere to be seen. Well, if they'd fallen down into the goop, they were gone forever.

He didn't notice that his movements had woken Sasuke up.

Sasuke's eyes were open, and he was staring up at Naruto with a blank expression. It wasn't quite the declaration of undying love that Naruto had hoped for, but then, this was Sasuke. He made a move to get up, but instead of throwing Naruto aside like he would have usually done, he simply nudged him gently with his leg, silently communicating his desire to stand.

Maybe some person who had talked to Naruto about this subject in the past was right. Maybe Sasuke really _did _just need a good fuck.

Naruto obligingly climbed off, and Sasuke sat up, looking around for something he couldn't find.

"Where are my clothes?"

"No idea. I can't find mine either." He shrugged. "It doesn't really matter." He'd never been shy about being naked. Certainly not around _Sasuke,_ and certainly not after they'd just had sex. He suppressed a gleeful smile.

_I had sex with Sasuke!_

Sasuke, however, did not seem to share his enthusiasm for nakedness.

"_Yes it does_ matter," he snapped, and he brought his hands up and went through a few basic seals. He did them quickly, but Naruto easily recognized the signs for the transformation jutsu.

Sasuke transformed into… himself, with clothes on.

"Oh, _come on,_" Naruto whined. Sasuke smirked. Naruto didn't miss, however, that he hadn't recreated the clothes he'd worn while traveling with Orochimaru. Instead, his clothes looked similar to the Uchiha style he'd worn in Konoha, complete with the large family crest on the back.

Something else was different, too.

"You were able to use chakra," Naruto observed.

"Yeah," said Sasuke. "…Thanks." Naruto looked at him, confused. First of all, despite his memory problems, he was confident that Sasuke had never once thanked him for anything. Secondly, he had no idea what he had to do with Sasuke's being able to use chakra.

"What does your chakra have to do with me?" Sasuke stared at him. His expression was as blank as always, but Naruto could feel the incredulity.

"Naruto," he said slowly. "How much do you know about medical ninjutsu?"

"Enough to know that you're not a medic-nin," he shot back. Sasuke rolled his eyes, but only slightly.

"There are a few ways to restore lost chakra," he explained. "Most involve using complicated jutsu, or long periods of rest. But, um," he said, and though his expression didn't change, a tiny blush was appearing on his cheeks. "Two people can, uh, share chakra by, uh…" He trailed off, leaving Naruto to fill in the blanks, which he did easily.

His face drooped into a frown.

"Sasuke," he asked pathetically. "Did you only have sex with me for my chakra?" At the out-loud mention of their earlier activities, Sasuke's blush deepened into an ugly scarlet. Naruto found himself imagining how that ugly blush would look as it spread over his neck and chest.

"Don't be an idiot," he spat, avoiding Naruto's eyes. "We don't have time for this." Naruto stuck his tongue out. But Sasuke had said "we" and not "I." From him, that practically _was _a declaration of undying love. For the time being, Naruto would take what he could get.

Sasuke activated the Sharingan and looked around, moving his head back and forth, giving his eyes time to fully focus.

"Everything in this chamber is moving, very slowly, in that direction." He pointed into the black, towards a place that seemed to Naruto to be entirely random. "That's where our exit will be." Naruto was either not thrilled with that news, or that theory, or both.

"What if that's just where all the slugs live?"

"It's still a step forward. Our alternative is staying right here and…" Sasuke trailed off, clearly embarrassed. Naruto remembered that, technically, they were both naked.

"Let me know if you need any more chakra. I've got so much, I'm giving it away." Sasuke's face remained stoic, but his blush was creeping back onto his face. Without saying another word, he turned, jumped down off the ledge, and marched off in the direction he'd pointed.

Like before, he was out of sight very quickly. This time, though, Naruto was confident that he could find him again.

"Hey! Wait!" he shouted. "At least let me send clones first!" He shot through the signs for the Shadow Clone jutsu, flawlessly and effortlessly, just like he always had. An army of Narutos sprang up before him, just like always.

The only difference now and when he hadn't been able to do it was that he'd decided he was going to do it.

Unfortunately, he hadn't thought about the fact that because of his current state, every single one of his clones was also naked.

Oh well.

He sent the lot of them racing off in the direction that Sasuke had gone. He was sure he heard a shout of surprise and dismay before a few clones came rushing back to him.

Sasuke had punched through them.

"OW! That _hurt_, you bastard!" Naruto hopped down and chased after them himself. Using chakra, he walked on the surface of the goop on the ground, but his feet were still sticking to the surface, and he found himself having to tug them free with every step. He was able to keep a quick pace, however, and in no time, he was catching up with Sasuke.

He didn't even say hello. Bastard.

"Besides the ones you messed with, none of my clones have disappeared yet," Naruto told him. "So I guess we don't have to worry about monsters." Naruto frowned. "This place is huge, Sasuke. None of them have even hit a wall yet, and they're running full-speed."

"We're in a dimension created by a Tailed Beast," Sasuke said. "I imagine he can make this place as large as he wants."

"Dimension?"

"You don't honestly think that something this big would fit inside the actual Kyuubi, do you?" Naruto went through his memories of Kyuubi, most of which were refreshingly clear. He conceded Sasuke's point.

"…I hadn't thought about it."

"Hn."

Naruto forced himself up next to Sasuke, and they walked side-by-side, balanced carefully on top of the slime. Time passed. They continued that way in silence. More time passed. Naruto had no idea how long- he had no idea how long they'd been stuck here- for all he knew, it had been thousands of years, and everyone they knew was dead.

Not like he could remember them, anyway.

While they walked in silence, he tried to go through his life story again. The version he could come up with was unbearably short. There was no one, then there was Sasuke, then there was no one. Even the details of his time with Sasuke were beginning to slip. They'd only stayed so long because Sasuke was physically in front of him.

_My name is Uzumaki Naruto, _he thought. _I come from Konohagakure. I'm sixteen years old. _He tried to think of more details. _I have blond hair?_

He wanted to beg Sasuke to tell him everything. He didn't, though. Sasuke wouldn't even know most of it. He couldn't be 100% positive, but he was pretty sure he'd never even told Sasuke about Kyuubi.

Well, if a thousand years _had _passed, at least they'd have each other.

Sasuke didn't appear to share any of Naruto's concerns, but then, he'd never been one to show anyone else what he was thinking. The only thing that would be bad for him would be if old age had gotten Itachi before he could. He said himself that he'd severed all of his other bonds.

But now, he'd created a new bond with Naruto, right?

Right?

"Sasuke?" No answer. "What are you thinking about?"

"What to do when we get where we're going." The answer was deliberately vague, and Naruto had no interest in pushing for an explanation.

"Oh," he said instead.

And so, they walked.

Naruto had no idea _where_ they were going, but Sasuke seemed to. He always had a plan- Naruto remembered- while Naruto nearly always improvised. Sasuke's Sharingan was active, and he moved with aggressive purpose, as if he were following a road. As far as Naruto could tell, every pool of goo was just as stagnant as the next pool of goo, but then, he didn't have super special magical eyeballs. If Sasuke said there was movement, then there was movement. He had no reason to lie.

Suddenly, he stopped.

"This is it." Naruto looked around. Where they were standing looked the same as everywhere else.

"This is what?"

"The center. All of the chakra is flowing here."

"So, what do we do?"

"We disrupt it." Sasuke moved through some seals that Naruto almost recognized. A ball of electricity exploded in his hand. Naruto both loved and hated that little ball of electricity- he couldn't quite place why. Something to do with nostalgia, but also Sasuke shoving a hand through his lung.

"What happens then?"

"This dimension should fracture," Sasuke explained, "and we'll be able to get back to the real world."

The real world.

Naruto's broken memory struggled to wrap itself around the concept. As far as he was concerned, this _w_as the real world. His memories of the world outside were shaky at best. All he knew was that out there, Sasuke had run away from him, and here, Sasuke loved him.

Well, he was willing to have sex with Naruto here. And given what his usual treatment from Sasuke was like, Naruto was willing to take what he could get.

"Are you sure?" he asked worriedly. "I mean, what if it goes wrong?" Doubts were springing up inside of him like weeds.

"Then we're still stuck here, and we come up with a new plan," Sasuke said impatiently. Chidori was sparkling in his hand.

"But what if we get hurt?" Naruto pressed. "I mean, who even knows what's going on out there? Wouldn't it be safer-" Sasuke cut him off. His blood-red eyes were cold. When he spoke, it was like ice.

"I'm not staying here with you, Naruto."

_I'm not staying here with you, Naruto._

He'd heard those words before, or at least felt them.

His memories of Sasuke were painfully vivid. The Valley of the End came rushing back to him. He heard Sasuke's voice, telling him he didn't care about Konoha.

He heard Sasuke telling him that he was going to kill him.

He _felt _Sasuke's Chidori forcing its way through his chest.

_I'm not staying._

_Not here with you._

_Naruto._

Naruto snapped.

All of the hurt and confusion and pain that had knotted itself up inside of him burst out, transforming itself into raw fury. Kyuubi's chakra surged out of him, burning the skin on his stomach. The vicious power amplified his rage.

"Bastard!" he screamed. "You stole my chakra for _this_?" His voice was strained- his teeth were changing- his fangs were growing out, and his face was twisted into a snarl.

Sasuke didn't look the least bit surprised. He turned to face Naruto fully, Chidori at the ready.

"I thought something like this could happen," Sasuke said smugly. "Hello, Kyuubi."

"_Don't call me that!_" Naruto roared. His fangs grew longer. Massive claws erupted from his hands. "I won't let you leave me again! I won't-"

"What are you going to do about it?" Sasuke taunted. Chidori chirped and crackled.

"_I will break every bone in your stupid body-"_

"I'd like to see you try." Naruto howled with hysterical rage. His body crouched into a feral position. Kyuubi's chakra was covering him completely, peeling away at his naked skin. He barely felt the pain. Kyuubi's hatred for the Uchiha was overtaking his own. Rasengan began to pool together in his open claws, black and sinister.

"Come at me, Naruto," Sasuke ordered. His eyes were bright with triumph.

Naruto didn't need to be told twice.

He lunged, going straight for Sasuke's heart. His intent to maim and intent to kill bled together. Sasuke raced toward him, prepared to counter Rasengan with Chidori.

They connected.

Everything exploded.

* * *

><p>The deadline for the fic contest got extended, so I have a couple extra days to polish the last few chapters. Of course, I also now look like a total douche for posting this on ffnet a week early. Is there an etiquette for that sort of thing? I've never done a fic exchange.<p>

I feel like the title of this fic is too goofy to match what's actually happening. But I also love the phrase "Kyuubi Capers." So. Dilemma.


	5. Chapter 5

**Kyuubi Capers - Chapter 5**

Uchiha Sasuke had returned to Konoha.

That was the word on the street, anyway. Everyone had a friend of an uncle of a friend who had seen Team 7 come back in the dead of night. Everyone _knew _that Sasuke was inside the city walls. No one had actually _seen _him, but everyone _knew._

No one had actually seen him, because Uchiha Sasuke was comatose.

Only the members of Team 7 who had been dispatched to retrieve him knew the entire story. They'd rooted out Sasuke at one of Orochimaru's hide-outs and engaged him in battle. Sasuke had tried to use the Sharingan on Naruto, and both of them collapsed.

Naruto might have known the rest of the story, but he, of course, was also comatose.

Both boys were brought back to Konoha in their current condition.

The two of them were kept in a top-security wing of Konoha's hospital. When they'd arrived, the Hokage tried to put them in separate rooms, but Sasuke's condition had deteriorated so quickly while being apart from Naruto that she had been forced to reunite them.

No one was allowed to see the two boys but the Hokage herself, their jounin and ANBU guards, and of course, Yamato, who was present nearly twenty-four hours a day to control the Kyuubi. Most of the remaining Konoha Ten had made some effort to sneak in. Ino got the farthest using her clan's mind-transfer jutsu. She'd even managed to touch the door knob. After that, all of the chunin had been sent on intensive assignments, leaving the professionals to tend to the two patients in peace.

Sasuke's chakra levels remained dangerously low, while Naruto's were dangerously high.

A week had gone by with no sign of improvement.

Hatake Kakashi was sitting in a chair by the door, reading Jiraiya's latest _Make-Out Tactics_. He appeared as relaxed as he always did, save for one hand resting almost casually on his weapons pouch. Yamato sat on the floor, casting the _seal _jutsu on Naruto's sleeping body. Kyuubi's chakra had been stronger than usual, most likely because it had been some time since Naruto had been conscious to suppress it.

"How long do you think this will take, Senpai?" Yamato asked quietly. He'd barely slept for a week, and even with high-level ninja training, his body was showing the signs of fatigue. Kakashi flipped his book shut.

"Who knows," he said idly.

"If the Hokage can't even tell what's wrong-"

"She'll figure it out," he said. _I'm failing my students again, _he thought. It was all he could do just to stop Sakura from barging in on an hourly basis. Thank God for intensive assignments.

Sasuke looked nearly the same as he had when he'd left. He was older, and he'd grown more handsome, Kakashi admitted. Upon his arrival, the clothes Orochimaru had given him had been quietly but swiftly removed and replaced by a clean hospital gown. He looked just as he had when he was hospitalized following Itachi's attack.

Before he'd tried to kill Naruto.

Hours passed before Tsunade returned, looking as exhausted as Kakashi felt. She was carrying a pile of medical literature, books and jutsu scrolls, that she plopped down on a table next to Sasuke's bed. They had long since given up pretending to be quiet since there were patients in the room. Sasuke and Naruto might as well have been extra furniture.

"Go and rest, Yamato," Tsunade said brusquely. He nodded, thanked her, and left. Once he was gone, Tsunade turned to Kakashi. He did not have to ask for an update before she gave him one.

"As I suspected, all of the tests came back perfectly normal," she said. "There's nothing _physically _wrong with either of them. This is almost certainly a case of a jutsu gone wrong." Kakashi took in this information, and nodded silently. Tsunade pulled a bottle of sake out of a drawer and poured herself a glass. She sat down and faced Kakashi, her expression serious.

"May I ask you some questions, as their former jounin-sensei?"

"Of course."

"Are you aware of any jutsu either of these two might have learned that would produce this effect?" He thought for a moment.

"Naruto? Certainly not," he said. "Though at this point, who knows what Sasuke can do." Orochimaru had made it his goal to learn every jutsu in the world. It wasn't outside the realm of possibility that he'd discovered one that placed the user into a coma. Tsunade was thinking the same.

"It doesn't make any sense for Orochimaru to teach his prized vessel a jutsu like this, though," she mused. "It leaves Sasuke at risk, and if Orochimaru wanted him incapacitated, he could easily do it himself." Kakashi nodded his agreement.

"So, this was an accident?"

"Definitely an accident." Tsunade picked up a scroll and briefly glanced through the contents. "All three of the reports say that Sasuke looked at Naruto with his Sharingan before they both collapsed, simultaneously. Genjutsu?" Kakashi slid his headband up, exposing his own Sharingan. He'd done this before, every day and then some, but still, he looked Naruto and Sasuke up and down carefully, in case there was something he'd missed.

"It's not a genjutsu," he sighed, tugging his headband back over his left eye. Tsunade plopped down in a chair beside him. For the first time since Kakashi had known her, her expression showed her true age.

"I'm completely stuck. All roads lead back to the Sharingan," she sighed. "I spent most of the day trying to find Uchiha records on the damn thing. Shizune's still down at the compound. Damn clan secrets." Her expression turned dark. "One of the _only two _surviving members of that clan might die, just because they were so hell bent on holding on to a scrap of power." Kakashi closed his eyes, and remembered how Obito had been. The Uchiha were certainly a mistrustful lot. Sasuke was no exception.

"You know more about it than I do, I'm sure," he said. Given the accelerated effects using his Sharingan had on his body, he had his suspicions on what a lifetime of heavy use would do to the health of even a full-blood Uchiha.

They had never been an especially stable bunch.

"Anyway," Tsunade said, pouring herself a second glass of sake, "I'm running out of options. Inoichi is coming here now to see if he can find any clues." Kakashi stared at her. He didn't know the man that well personally, but he knew who he was.

Yamanaka Inoichi, head of the Interrogation Department.

Using mind-transfer jutsu on even a _healthy _person was risky for everyone involved.

"Is that safe?"

"Would you rather I leave things like this?" she asked sharply, gesturing at the two unconscious boys on the beds. Kakashi said nothing. Her expression softened. "You know we can't risk going into Naruto's mind," she said, "but Sasuke should be fine." She paused. "Don't give me that look, Kakashi. You knew we'd have to interrogate him eventually." Kakashi was not aware that he had been giving the Hokage a 'look.'

He just wasn't sure _anyone _could understand what was going on in Sasuke's head, even if they cracked it open and tried to read it like a novel.

A polite knock on the door broke his thoughts.

"Hokage-sama?" People from the Interrogation Department were always extremely punctual. It was one of the many reasons Kakashi had never considered joining.

"Ah," Tsunade said, quickly stashing the sake. She turned to Kakashi with a sympathetic expression. "You're welcome to leave, if this makes you uncomfortable."

"Someone needs to be here to stop him if something goes wrong," Kakashi pointed out. He was, after all, the jounin guard on duty.

"Please," Tsunade snorted. "I can handle one little Uchiha brat."

"It's not him I'm worried about." Tsunade's face darkened, and she nodded. The lengths Naruto would go to for Sasuke were ridiculous. Neither one of them would be at all surprised if he managed to break out of a coma just to stop someone from the Interrogation Department from laying a finger on his best friend.

Silently, they agreed that Kakashi should stay.

"Come in, Inoichi," Tsunade called. The door creaked open, and a trim blond man stepped in. Kakashi did not miss the way his lip curled when he saw Sasuke on the hospital bed. Inoichi Yamanaka, Shikaku Nara, and Chouza Akimichi were extremely close- as far as Inoichi was concerned, the injuries Shikamaru and Chouji had sustained chasing after Sasuke were wounds inflicted on his own sons.

Kakashi wondered briefly if Sasuke even understood the damage he'd done, or if he understood, but truly didn't care. Neither one matched the student he knew.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice." Tsunade greeted Inoichi politely. Inoichi nodded.

"You wanted me to look at Sasuke?"

"Please," she said. "He and Naruto's conditions are linked to what we believe was a poorly performed jutsu. Anything you can find in Sasuke's recent memories will also help us to cure Naruto." So, she had noticed Inoichi's disinclination to help as well.

"Of course," he said neutrally, and he moved to Sasuke's bedside. Kakashi forced himself to remain still as Inoichi moved through some quick hand signs, all before reaching out and pressing two fingers against Sasuke's forehead. Sasuke did not react. Only a few seconds passed before Inoichi withdrew his hand, a troubled expression on his face. Tsunade frowned.

"Did you find something?" she demanded. He hesitated for a moment, as if struggling to find a way to put what he'd seen into words.

"Yes and no," he finally said. Kakashi knew that the Fifth Hokage hated vague answers.

"What does that mean?"

"Sasuke is…" Inoichi trailed off, searching for the correct adjective. The one he gave was not what Kakashi had been expecting.

"Missing."

_Missing?_

"Missing?" Tsunade said sharply.

"It appears to be very similar to what happens when the mind-transfer jutsu fails," Inoichi explained. "The mind remains in limbo for a few minutes before returning to its proper body. Since the mind can't operate without the body, the problem usually fixes itself in a short time. If Sasuke has been like this for a week, however, something is preventing his mind from returning to his body." He looked at Tsunade curiously. "How did he learn a mind-transfer jutsu?" Tsunade ignored the last question, doing her part to maintain the Uchiha clan's secrets, wittingly or unwittingly.

"Is Naruto the same way?" she asked instead.

"Without going in, I can't be sure."

"Sasuke's chakra level dropped suddenly when he was separated from Naruto," Kakashi supplied. Inoichi digested this information.

"It is possible," he said slowly, "that his mind is inside Naruto's body, and that- something- is stopping him from returning to his own body." All three of them knew exactly what that _something _was, but Tsunade said it out loud.

"Kyuubi."

The fox again.

The effects it had on Naruto were as plentiful as they were random. Sometimes they were beneficial- the accelerated healing factor had saved Naruto's life dozens of times- but for the most part, they seemed neutral at best, and horribly painful at worst.

Trapping Sasuke inside Naruto's body definitely fell into "horribly painful."

Well, at least now they had a documented reason of why not to use mind-transfer on a jinchuuriki. They still had one problem, though.

"If Sasuke is trapped inside Naruto," Kakashi asked, "then where is Naruto?"

They were interrupted by a massive surge of chakra escaping from Naruto's body.

Since these explosions had been happening regularly since Naruto was brought back to the village, they all knew exactly what to do.

"Get Yamato," Tsunade barked at Inoichi. He disappeared immediately. In an instant, Kakashi and Tsunade were at Naruto's side, forcing his limbs down, stopping his movements. The demon chakra was making it difficult for even Tsunade to hold him still.

"If this keeps up," she panted, "he's going to injure himself." Kakashi frowned.

"And if Sasuke's mind really is trapped inside Naruto's body-"

He was interrupted by a loud crash.

Both he and Tsunade turned sharply to look at the other bed.

Sasuke had somehow managed to break the lamp on his bedside table and send all of Tsunade's medical literature tumbling to the ground. But now, he was sitting up, hair disheveled, expression both vague and wary, his eyes boring into Kakashi's. His fingers were wrapped tight around the hospital sheet.

When he spoke, his voice was just as cold and demanding as it had always been.

"Who's trapped inside who?"

* * *

><p>Ta-da. This fic has seven chapters total. FYI.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

**Kyuubi Capers - Chapter 6**

Assuming that Naruto's innermost subconscious wasn't an exact replica of Konohagakure, Sasuke had made it back to the real world. He was amazed that his plan to goad Naruto into blowing up had worked as well as it did.

But why on earth was he _here_?

He'd awakened in a hospital bed, wearing a hospital gown. Natural sunlight was pouring onto his face. He was all too familiar with this hospital, having spent a full month here after his last encounter with Itachi.

Yes, he'd definitely woken up in Konoha's main hospital.

He also hadn't been alone.

Mere feet away, he could see Naruto, his physical body exploding with chakra just as his mind had done. His teeth were bared and his claws were scrabbling at the air, almost certainly reaching for a Sasuke who was no longer there. Two people were holding him down on the bed to stop him from going on a rampage.

One of them was the Fifth Hokage.

The other was Kakashi.

Naruto awakened mere seconds after he did, just as a frantic jounin rushed in and performed an elaborate sealing jutsu on him. Sasuke recognized the jounin- Yamato, the one who'd been with Naruto when he'd arrived at Orochimaru's hideout. Whatever jutsu he was using, it was extremely effective.

Kyuubi's chakra receded immediately.

Sasuke frowned. Only the Sharingan was supposed to be powerful enough to control the nine-tailed fox, and even so, he had failed miserably when he tried. The fact that some random Konoha ninja was able to do it so easily with a simple sealing jutsu didn't even infuriate him- it just made him feel dull and empty.

At least Naruto was all right.

Sasuke remembered his cruel taunts- his vicious threats- and how easily Naruto had reacted, plunging deep into Kyuubi's influence, exploding with a rage that Sasuke might not have survived in other circumstances.

Had it really been necessary to push Naruto as far as he did to break out of Kyuubi?

Well, it had worked, so there was no use dwelling on it.

Naruto babbled out an incoherent combination of thank-you-are-you-guys-real-hi-Granny-Tsunade-I'm-so-hungry, before exhausting himself and passing out again. This time, though, it was a natural sleep.

Sasuke pretended to fall asleep as well.

Time passed. But now, even though the Hokage had gone, he could tell that Kakashi was still sitting at the foot of his bed, watching him.

If anyone had been around when he'd woken up, he would have expected it to be Orochimaru, or at least Kabuto. He expected a bleak underground hideout, and instead got a cheerful hospital. Fuck, the room had _flowers _in it. Someone had brought _flowers._

He was sure they were for Naruto.

"Sasuke." Kakashi's quiet, not-quite-paternal voice stirred all sorts of memories that he chose to ignore. He continued pretending to be asleep. If Kakashi noticed, he was polite enough not to say anything.

"Are you hungry?" he asked instead.

A little. But hunger didn't bother him anymore.

"The Hokage went to order food for you both." The image of the blonde woman popped into Sasuke's mind. He could see her holding down Naruto, staring back at Sasuke with an expression that was half disgust and half pity.

Most of what Sasuke knew about Tsunade, the Fifth Hokage, was information he'd gleaned from Orochimaru, not the village. She was a drinker and a gambler, but impossibly strong, and also the most knowledgeable and talented medical ninja in the world. Even Orochimaru had nothing but respect for her abilities.

If Tsunade had been treating them personally, that meant that their conditions had been serious.

How long had they been unconscious?

Well, long enough to be brought back to Konoha, though that wouldn't have taken more than a day or two if the people who captured him were moving at top speed.

Yamato spoke from the other side of the room. His voice was tired.

"Are you sure you should be talking to him like that?" So, he'd figured out that Sasuke was faking, too. At least he hadn't been dragged off to the interrogation room yet.

"He's my student," Kakashi countered. _Not anymore, _Sasuke interjected petulantly.

"You know what I meant."

"Nothing I say will make a difference." Sasuke was sure he heard a low hiss of disapproval from the strange jounin, but the man said nothing more on the subject. Instead, he switched to talking about Naruto. Despite his efforts to convince himself he didn't care, Sasuke paid extremely close attention to what was being said.

"He appears to have calmed down," said Yamato. "He's only sleeping now." The man sounded completely exhausted. Kyuubi must have been trying to take over Naruto's body while he was incapacitated- that was the only explanation for having someone around to perform near-constant sealing jutsu.

Naruto's fears were well-placed, then.

The level of emotion he felt about Sasuke's willingness to give his body to Orochimaru was beginning to make much more sense.

"_Mr. "I'm going to give my body to Orochimaru!" Well, instead you're giving your soul to the nine-tailed demon fox. Congratulations. Glad your life was so fucking important to you."_

"Want to go take a nap?" Kakashi was asking Yamato, oblivious to what was going on in Sasuke's head.

"Is that a good idea?"

"The Hokage will be back soon. Go, Tenzo." Ah, so Yamato was a code name. That meant he was probably ANBU.

"Don't call me that."

"Sorry." A few quick footsteps and the door opened and closed.

Sasuke, Naruto, and Kakashi were alone.

It was almost like a Team Seven reunion. Where _was _Sakura, anyway? Sasuke would have expected her to be clinging irritatingly to his side from the moment he crossed the village gates.

"Sakura wanted to be here," Kakashi said softly, almost as if he'd known what Sasuke would be thinking about. "The Hokage sent her out of the village on a mission." Smart move. Sakura had a special talent for being in the way, especially in sensitive situations. That didn't mean that he didn't feel a little pang of emotion at the fact that he wasn't going to see her.

Outwardly, he didn't react to the news at all.

"I know you're awake, Sasuke," Kakashi said. His voice still had the calm authority that Sasuke remembered. "Do you know what's going to happen to you?" Sasuke recognized the simple question for what it was.

Kakashi had gotten rid of the only witness, and now, he was offering him information.

Well, he _had _always been Kakashi's favorite student. He decided to accept the offer.

Sasuke opened his eyes and sat up.

Kakashi was staring at him, with nether approval nor disapproval, the same way he always did. It was as if Sasuke hadn't aged a day past twelve. He was back on his D-rank genin team.

"Assuming I stick around that long," he said flatly, "I'm going to be drilled for information on Orochimaru." That was a given. Kakashi did not react to his threat to leave. "What's after that?" Kakashi's one visible eye crinkled into a smile.

"Nothing," he said.

_Nothing_? What did that mean?

"What?"

"The Hokage never declared you a missing-nin-" ah, so that was why so few bounty hunters had come after him, no government contracts- "and technically, you've committed no serious crimes, so you face no criminal charges. Your house is still available, of course. As soon as you're capable, you could petition to have your rank as a Konoha ninja restored."

In other words, everything could go back to being exactly how it was before he left.

He could stay here, with Naruto.

Just like Naruto had always wanted.

"Why are you telling me this?" he asked sharply. He didn't care for this information. He didn't know what to do with it.

"Because you need to know," Kakashi said simply, and he pulled out his damnable _Make-Out Paradise, _indicating that the conversation was over. Sasuke lay back down, and went back to pretending to be asleep.

Maybe if he pretended long enough, he could slip into the real thing.

A long period of time passed. The sun was beginning to set outside. Naruto was stirring, indicating that he was having a particularly vivid dream, that he would wake up soon, or both. Yamato- Tenzo- had not come back, and Kakashi had not moved.

Finally, the door banged open, and a person wearing high heels clicked her way inside. It had to be the Hokage. She was followed closely by a second woman, probably her assistant, who was carrying what sounded like a heavy load of packages.

"Did you get enough food?" Kakashi asked idly.

"It's mostly for Naruto." Sasuke recognized the Fifth Hokage's authoritative voice. "Is he still asleep? Have either of them said anything yet?"

"Naruto is still asleep." Kakashi paused. "Sasuke spoke to me briefly." _You did most of the talking, _Sasuke corrected internally.

"Oh?" Tsunade clicked her way over to Sasuke's bedside. She was wearing perfume. He didn't like having her so close. "What did he say?"

"He asked what was going to happen to him." _No I didn't. You did._ "He appears mentally sound." _Damn straight._

"And what did you tell him?"

"Nothing." Sasuke listened to their exchange intently. It was all true, and yet it wasn't. Kakashi had always been willing to bend the rules, but lying to the Hokage? On his account?

He revisited their brief conversation. Some sort of important information must have been hidden in what Kakashi told him.

_Because you need to know._

"Hmm. Shizune, bring those over here." The second woman brought over a bowl of ramen- of course it was ramen- and set it on the table next to his bed.

Sasuke hadn't had ramen in an awfully long time. He couldn't stop his stomach from growling.

They definitely knew he was awake now.

"Feel free to eat, Uchiha," the Hokage said coldly. The kindness she'd shown him while he was recovering from Itachi's attack was completely gone. Sasuke refused to move. She left his side and went over to Naruto.

"It's a light sleep," she said, after a moment. "He should wake up the minute we put food in front of him." Sure enough, the very moment that Shizune had placed a bowl of ramen at his bedside, she provoked a flurry of movement.

How did Naruto manage to be so _loud _right when waking up?

"Miso ramen!" he shouted. _His favorite_, Sasuke's memory supplied, unwillingly. "Thanks, Granny Tsunade!"

"You're welcome, brat," the Hokage said fondly. Sasuke remembered how Naruto's memories had gotten her confused with a real grandmother.

He'd had a grandmother once, too. Before Itachi gutted her like a fish.

Naruto had always been a messy eater, and now was no exception. Determined to restore the chakra that he'd lost, he attacked the ramen with a reckless abandon, downing one bowl after another. The _sounds _Naruto made while eating had always repulsed Sasuke, but now, despite his best efforts not to care, he just felt relief that Naruto had returned to normal.

It took three and a half bowls for him to realize that Sasuke was present.

"What about Sasuke?" he asked, with his mouth full. He forced it all down with a noisy gulp. "Is he ok?"

"He's fine, kiddo," Tsunade laughed. "He's just pretending to be asleep." Sasuke silently cursed her for giving away his secret to Naruto. Ok, it wasn't really a secret, but Naruto wouldn't have been figure it out on his own. And now, all of Naruto's attention was turned on _him_.

"What?" Naruto shouted. "That's stupid. Sasuke! Hey, Sasuke!" Ignoring the shouts was pretty easy. Unfortunately, Naruto was well-versed in getting people's attention in the most annoying way possible.

Sasuke got beaned by a chopstick.

He heard Shizune giggle.

While the treatment was infuriating, it was also comfortingly familiar. No one was this relaxed around him at Orochimaru's hide-outs. He was Orochimaru's favorite, the new vessel, and thus, almost the same as Orochimaru himself- and the prisoners treated him as such. Orochimaru treated him like a pet. Kabuto treated him like a spoiled prince.

In any case, no one would _dare _throw a chopstick at his head.

A small, rebellious part of him admitted that it was nice _not _to have everyone be afraid of him.

The excessive closeness Naruto felt the need to express all the time made him feel almost relaxed.

Naruto finished the last of his however-many bowls of ramen, belched rudely, and flopped back down on his bed with a satisfied groan. Sasuke's lip curled in distaste. But the groan reminded Sasuke of something else, something he had been trying very hard not to think about ever since waking up afterwards.

_One-time thing, _he told himself firmly. _I_ _just needed the chakra! It was a one-time thing!_

The knot twisting up in his lower stomach told him that he was a dirty, dirty liar.

Years of training to suppress his sexual urges had been undone in less than ten minutes.

Stupid Naruto.

"Now that _that's _done," Tsunade said drily, "I need to give you some information. Kakashi, Shizune, thank you." Shizune gathered up the empty ramen bowls, and she and Kakashi left without saying a word. Sasuke found himself wishing that Kakashi had stayed. He knew he could count on Kakashi being on his side.

At least, he could in the past, and teachers didn't change.

"Sasuke, you are welcome to participate if you have any questions," said the Hokage. Sasuke stubbornly kept his eyes closed. It was petty, but at this point, it was a battle of wills.

"You're probably aware that you've been unconscious," she continued. _Duh_, thought Sasuke.

"How long were we out?" asked Naruto with a wide yawn.

"Eight days," she said.

_Only _eight days?

Sasuke hadn't succumbed to Naruto's hysteria about the end of the world, but he thought they'd been trapped for longer than that. He thought back to his time inside the demon fox. Between consciousness and unconsciousness, he had no way of knowing how much time had passed. That, and the fox's insides probably distorted time, like a powerful Tsukoyomi.

It certainly explained why Orochimaru and Kabuto hadn't come after him yet. They didn't have time. Or, rather, they were still waiting for him to escape and come back to _them._

"Your team brought you back here and told us what happened," Tsunade continued. Her tone was unreadable. "Orochimaru is, predictably, not thrilled about having his prized vessel snatched out from under him. Sources tell me he's on his way here right now."

_On his way here right now? What sources?_

"Is he going to attack the village again?" Naruto asked worriedly.

No. He wouldn't. That didn't make any sense. Orochimaru had nearly been killed- permanently- the last time he attacked Konoha, and now, their defenses were stronger than before. The man was many unpleasant things, but he wasn't stupid.

"Most likely," Tsunade said blandly. "It would have been easier if you hadn't woken up, but still, neither of you are in any condition to defend yourselves. We'll need to move you both to a secure location and put you under guard."

_Put us under __**guard**__?_

Sasuke bit his tongue to stop himself from shouting at her.

Of _course_ they needed to do that.

They would need to monitor his and Naruto's conditions, not to mention prevent him from running away again, and the easiest way to do that would be to keep them locked up somewhere under the pretense of defending them.

She was _lying._

He wondered how long it had taken the mighty Fifth Hokage to come up with this gem of a plan.

"No way!" Naruto shouted.

"Sasuke is the target," she said.

"So you're using him as _bait_?" Yes, they were, but not in the way Naruto thought.

He was being used as bait to keep Naruto quiet. _That_ was why they would be locked up together. If Sasuke was sent away by himself, Naruto would never shut up about it.

Everything was _always _all about _Naruto._

Sasuke was beginning to remember why he so disliked Konoha.

"I don't hear him objecting," Tsunade said sharply. "You'll be moved tomorrow. I'm leaving for now, but I'll be back in the morning to ask you about the jutsu that put you in this state." Of course she would. She stood up and moved over to the doorway, pausing as she placed a hand on the doorknob.

"Don't think you can try anything funny just because no one's in here with you," she said. "I have ANBU all over this building."

She left without saying another word.

The room suddenly felt cold, and unusually quiet. Sasuke found himself missing the heat from Kyuubi's body.

He'd freed himself from one trap, and ended up in another.

"Sasuke," Naruto said, finally. "You're awake, right?"

"Hn." He offered up a small grunt, just so that Naruto wouldn't throw anything at him again. He assumed that Naruto would be satisfied just talking with him, but the other boy had other plans, apparently. He climbed out of his own bed and tottered across the room, setting himself down at the foot of Sasuke's bed. The sudden closeness, even as not-close as it was, was not what Sasuke had been expecting, and he felt his heart rate pick up.

Naruto certainly was the world's number one most unpredictable ninja.

"Thanks for getting us out," he said quietly.

_Thanks_?

Naruto was _thanking _him for upsetting him so badly that he cried and screamed and nearly went on a destructive rampage?

"Hn," Sasuke grunted again, to hide his surprise. He finally opened his eyes.

Naruto was staring down at him from the end of the bed. He had a friendly, undemanding smile on his face. Sasuke tried to make that expression line up with what he'd seen at the Valley of the End, and again inside Kyuubi- facial markings widened and electric, vicious orange eyes, fangs bared, chakra tails whipping back and forth of their own volition.

He wasn't able to do it.

"Orochimaru is coming after you," Naruto said quietly. "What are you going to do?"

Of course Naruto, being Naruto, would take everything the Hokage said at face value. Sasuke couldn't help but be amazed that Naruto didn't care at all that _he _was also going to be locked up. He was only interested in how Sasuke felt.

How _did _he feel?

Sasuke was beginning to understand why Kakashi had said what he did.

He was dangling the carrot of Sasuke's old life in front of him. Against his own desires, he'd been given a second chance. He could just go back to being an ordinary Konoha ninja, and erase the past three years as if they'd never happened at all.

This was a test. Kakashi knew Sasuke would be able to figure out Tsunade's intentions.

Meanwhile, there was Orochimaru. If he _was _actually coming towards Konoha, it was to _meet up_ with Sasuke, not re-capture him. Orochimaru wasn't stupid. He would have seen the not-exactly-subtle evidence that Sasuke had been taken against his will. It wasn't like a hospital _or _a ninja village would be able to hold Uchiha Sasuke if he didn't want to be there.

Sasuke had his doubts, however, that Orochimaru had anything more to teach him. The three-year time limit on Orochimaru's soul transfer jutsu was quickly running out. He would need his new vessel soon. Privately, Sasuke had always had mixed feelings about going through with his agreement to give up his body, and his recent encounters with inner dimensions had solidified his doubts.

If he went back, and he decided not to go through with the soul transfer, he'd just have to escape again on his own. To do that, he'd have to kill Orochimaru. Maybe Kabuto, as well. If he stayed, Konohagakure would defend his body for him.

But then, there was Itachi.

If he stayed here, how was he going to kill Itachi?

And as much as Kakashi assured him that everything would be the same as it was, he doubted he would be allowed to come and go as he pleased.

"Sasuke?" Naruto pressed. His voice was quiet, but firm. "Are you going to leave again?"

One more problem tugged at his insides.

What was he going to do about _Naruto_?

Naruto would fight him if he tried to leave again, he was sure of it. He'd barely been able to walk away from him the first time. After he'd finally reached Orochimaru, Kabuto had spent hours healing the internal injuries.

Sasuke wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he _liked _being near Naruto. It was the closest thing he'd had to a home, ever since his _real_ home had been destroyed. He also wouldn't admit that he didn't enjoy provoking the deepest pools of Naruto's pain and rage.

The longer he stayed, the less willing he'd be to leave.

Just like before.

_My path is different from yours, Naruto._

"Sasuke," Naruto said calmly. "If you try to leave this village again, I will _break_ you."

For the moment, Sasuke went with the only impulse he was sure of.

"Shut up, idiot."

* * *

><p>Unfortunately, the title "SUP DAWG! I HEARD YOU LIKE BEING TRAPPED IN A MIND SO WE PUT A MIND IN YO' MIND SO YOU COULD BE TRAPPED IN A MIND WHILE YO' TRAPPED IN A MIND" did not fit inside ffnet's length requirements. (I just discovered that meme, like, last week. I lose at the internet.)<p>

FUN FACTS: The first version of this chapter had Sasuke deciding to leave because Orochimaru would attack the village and kill people again if he didn't. But that was stupid and didn't make any sense, so I changed it. Sasuke's "WHAT? THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL" are pretty much my exact thoughts on the subject.


	7. Chapter 7

**Kyuubi Capers - Chapter 7**

Naruto had showered and gone to bed. The news about Orochimaru was unsettling, but thanks to his extremely large dinner and the comfort of having Sasuke nearby, he was able to fall asleep without too much trouble.

Unfortunately, he was a ninja.

He awoke again the moment Sasuke tried to walk past his bed.

Sasuke stared at him. He stared back. They stood like that for a long while, staring. Naruto's bed was closer to the window. Sasuke appeared to have been walking towards it. His gray-white hospital gown emphasized his ghostly appearance.

Maybe he'd never been there at all. Maybe he was still just a figment of Naruto's imagination.

"Are you leaving again?" he finally asked. He shoved his blankets out of the way and sat up. Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"What does it look like?"

Well, it _looked_ like Sasuke was about to sneak out a window.

Normally, this was where Naruto would attack. But he was so tired of fighting.

"I'll scream," Naruto whispered. "I'll scream as loud as I can." Sasuke stopped, and turned to him.

"Sakura said the same thing," he said.

Naruto had never heard the details of Sakura's last conversation with Sasuke. It had been too painful for Sakura to tell him about, and he had never asked. The impression he got, however, was that Sakura had told him everything, and it hadn't been enough.

With Sasuke, nothing was ever enough.

"Of course she did," he said. "She loves you." If Sasuke was surprised by that knowledge, he didn't show it. Instead, he turned fully towards Naruto. The moonlight from the window gave him an otherworldly quality, as if his presence there was just a dream.

"Do you love me?" he asked softly. "Naruto?"

Did he love Sasuke?

Of course he did.

Was he going to _tell _Sasuke that? Of course not. The bastard would just use the knowledge to torment him more. So instead, he stayed silent, knowing full well that his silence was almost as damning as a confession would have been.

Sasuke took another step towards the window.

Naruto lost his nerve.

"Yes, bastard." He said it before he could tell himself not to. Sasuke stood perfectly still, staring at him. His expression did not change. Outwardly, he registered no reaction to what Naruto had just told him.

"Yes, what?" he asked, finally. Naruto couldn't tell if he was being stupid, or being a bastard, or being a stupid bastard.

"…Yes." His voice was a whisper, as if the words didn't want to come out. "I love you."

Once the words did come out, though, he couldn't stop.

"I love you so damn much!" he cried. "I can't help it!" He could feel his shoulders shaking and he hated himself for showing emotion so easily. Sasuke had broken out of his frozen staring stance and was coming towards him now, almost certainly to shut him up. Feelings were pouring out of him like vomit. "And it's so stupid and it hurts so bad but I can't stop and you're just going to keep hurting me and-"

Sasuke pressed his mouth against Naruto's agitated lips.

Kissing Sasuke in real life was different from kissing him inside his mind. For one, he tasted like ramen, which meant he'd finally eaten dinner. For another, he felt much heavier as he pushed Naruto down onto his back and climbed on top of him. His kisses were harsh and aggressive. One of his hands slid behind Naruto's head and dug its fingers into his hair.

_Sasuke _was kissing _him._

"What are you doing?" Naruto asked, breaking the kiss. Sasuke looked directly into his eyes with a smirk.

"What do you think?"

Sasuke kissed him again. Naruto refused to give in.

"Why are you doing this if you're just going to leave again?" Sasuke dropped his head down to Naruto's neck and started planting his rough kisses there, instead. The hand in Naruto's hair gently prevented him from squirming away. Sasuke's other hand was traveling down Naruto's hip. He was beginning to feel uncomfortably warm.

"Because I want you to make me a promise," Sasuke whispered. "Promise me you won't let anyone else touch you like this. Not ever."

"Sasuke. Do you love me?"

"You're an idiot." Sasuke pushed Naruto's hospital gown upwards, and Naruto became very aware that he wasn't wearing anything underneath it. That meant Sasuke wasn't wearing anything under his gown, either.

"At least I wasn't planning on fighting ANBU with no underwear on," he said. Sasuke scowled, but there was no malice behind it. He silenced Naruto with another firm kiss on the lips.

He was rough and possessive. It felt to Naruto like Sasuke wanted to eat him up until there was nothing left.

He didn't mind at all.

Sasuke tugged at Naruto's hospital gown until Naruto allowed him to pull it off. He'd never been self-conscious about being naked before, but now, he could feel the redness creeping up his cheeks. A matching blush spread over Sasuke's face and neck as he pulled off his own gown and tossed it aside. He pulled Naruto into another kiss to close his eyes.

They stayed that way for a while, hot skin against hot skin. But when Sasuke's hands started to wander, Naruto forced them to stop.

"We need something to use as lube," he gasped.

"Hn." Sasuke obligingly climbed off the bed, as if Naruto had given him an order to do so. He felt both cold, and suddenly aware of how hot and bothered he was. Sasuke strutted around the room, as confident as if he walked around naked all the time. Naruto forced himself not to dwell on that. Sasuke dug through drawers and cabinets until he found a bottle of lotion. He held it up to Naruto, as if to ask _is this ok_?

"That'll work."

Sasuke hopped back onto the bed and squirted a generous amount of the lotion into his hand. Naruto held out his own hand as well- he'd have to warm himself up, after all. Sasuke shook his head, and tossed the bottle aside.

"I'm doing it this time." He lifted up one of Naruto's legs and propped it up over his shoulder, exposing Naruto's asshole. Before Naruto could offer up his own opinion on the subject, Sasuke was sliding his wet fingers all over his entrance.

It felt _very _different when someone else was doing it.

Sasuke slipped one finger inside, and- it didn't _hurt_, not exactly, but- it felt _strange._ Doing it this way felt strangely personal. Before, he'd been in control, riding Sasuke up and down, and now, Sasuke was intent on pleasuring _him_, his dark eyes focused very intently on what his hand was doing.

He inserted a second finger.

Naruto bucked gratefully into the touch and reached a hand down to stroke himself. Sasuke swatted his hand away, and wrapped his fingers around Naruto's dick himself. His touches were much rougher than Naruto's would have been.

Sasuke wiggled the fingers on his other hand, the one inside Naruto, experimentally. Pleasure rocketed through Naruto's body, and he let out a low, guttural moan. The expression on his face unchanging, Sasuke applied more pressure to the same spot.

_Damn. Damn it all._

Sasuke shoved in a third finger. He began, slowly, to move his fingers in and out, fucking Naruto with his hand. His hard thrusts with his right hand matched the rough strokes on Naruto's cock with his left. He was looking at Naruto's face, now, and their eyes met. Sasuke's face remained blank, save for the slightest hints of his arousal- his dilated pupils, his flushed cheeks, his oh-so-slightly parted lips.

Naruto was losing it.

"Sasuke," he gasped. He fought it- he tried- but there had never been any use fighting against what Sasuke wanted, and in seconds, he exploded, and he was spraying goo all over himself, and all over Sasuke, and it kept squirting out until there was nothing left, and Naruto was thoroughly spent.

The smell of sex was hot and rich. He could tell from the way Sasuke's nostrils flared that he was smelling it, too, but he didn't seem to mind. Sasuke took one finger and slid it along his abdomen, gathering up the wet, sticky cum. Naruto watched, mesmerized, as he brought the stuff up to his eyes and considered it carefully.

"You liked that," Sasuke said. It wasn't a question.

"Bastard," Naruto mumbled sleepily. Sasuke wasn't about to let him rest, however, and in an instant, Sasuke was on top of him, preparing for the main event. He rubbed his lotion-covered hand over his own dick, and Naruto didn't miss the way he shivered, ever so slightly.

Sasuke pressed his dick against Naruto's entrance. He began to push himself in, slowly, painfully slowly, and Naruto gasped as he filled up, on Sasuke's time and not his own. To stop another un-manly gasp, he bit down on his tongue.

When Sasuke was all the way in, he leaned down over Naruto's body. Naruto felt a hot breath against his shoulder. Sasuke's body was smooth and warm, firm muscles covered by soft skin. His fingers twisted up in the sheets on either side of Naruto's head. Both of their bodies quivered with anticipation.

"Go, Sasuke," said Naruto.

Sasuke didn't need to be told twice.

He slid himself out and then pushed back in, evoking a gasp from Naruto and a low grunt inside his own throat. If Naruto had been desperate for this inside his mind, he felt it in his real body a hundredfold. Silently, he begged Sasuke to hump him into oblivion.

But Sasuke restrained himself, settling into a painfully slow rhythm.

Naruto moaned feebly and arched his back, desperate for more friction against his hardening cock. Sasuke didn't respond to the gesture at all, though Naruto could have sworn he felt a smug smile against his shoulder. The hospital bed didn't have a frame that could bang against the wall, though the springs creaked oh-so-slightly with each thrust. If the guards managed to hear anything, they weren't charging into the room.

Naruto wasn't sure he wanted everyone in Konoha to know he had a habit of banging missing-nins.

Before, Naruto had to accost a weakened Sasuke while he wasn't expecting it. He'd been happy that Sasuke had gone along with it, but he certainly didn't expect it to happen _again._ Yet here they were, in the real world, tangled up together and going at it like horny teenagers. And if the tiny noises Sasuke was making were any indication, he was _enjoying _it, maybe even more than Naruto was.

"Go faster," he whispered. Sasuke increased his pace, but only slightly. Skin rubbed against skin. Naruto gasped with pleasure as Sasuke hit all of his sensitive spots. And suddenly, he didn't even care that the ANBU might be listening.

The thought excited him.

"What are you, some kind of wuss?" he sneered. "I said, _go faster._" Sasuke growled and nipped at his neck.

This time, though, he didn't hold back.

The first thrust was forceful enough that Naruto's head banged against the wall. He quickly put his hands above his head, against the wall, pushing back against Sasuke as a first layer of defense for his poor skull. Sasuke seemed to enjoy the extra challenge, and he pressed into Naruto even harder, forcing their bodies to crash together like waves hitting an ocean shore.

"Damn- Sasuke-"

"Still complaining, idiot?"

"No." Naruto was fully hard again now. Before, Sasuke hadn't allowed him to touch himself, and now was no different. He reached between them, wrapped his rough fingers around Naruto's cock, and began fisting Naruto, in harsh, awkward rhythms that didn't quite match his thrusts.

"Sasuke- bastard-!" Naruto tilted his head back and let out a guttural moan. But just as he was about to go over the edge for a second time, Sasuke removed his lips from his neck- had Sasuke been biting him there?- and shifted his weight. With barely a hitch in the pace of his thrusts, he propped himself up on one elbow, putting he and Naruto face-to-face.

Sasuke's face was flushed, his hair was mussed, his lips were parted, and his eyes were wide and blood red, the Sharingan staring down at Naruto, flickering ever-so-slightly with each of Sasuke's ragged breaths.

Sasuke gave Naruto's cock one last push.

Naruto came.

His bucked up against Sasuke and cried out, coating them both in spooge for a second time. Sasuke's eyes never left his face. Naruto pulled one of his hands down from the wall and bunched up a fist full of the sheets, biting his lip to stop from crying out a second time. He wouldn't have even noticed Sasuke's orgasm, quite a bit later, if Sasuke hadn't gasped out loud and buried his face in Naruto's shoulder while he rode out the vicious spasms going through his body.

They both collapsed, sticky and spent.

With Sasuke lying on top of him like this, it was almost like cuddling, but Naruto didn't dare wrap his arms around the other boy's waist. They stayed like that for a long while, silent in the dark room, waiting for their heart rates to return to normal.

Naruto spoke first.

"I'm amazed none of the ANBU heard any of that," he said, conversationally. Somehow, Sasuke took that as a cue to roll off of Naruto and stretch out on the bed next to him, as much as he could. They'd both grown quite a bit since their genin team days.

"I knocked them all out already," he shrugged. Of _course _he did. Stupid Sasuke. He left Naruto's side, stood up, and began searching the ground, presumably looking for his discarded hospital gown.

"Of course you did," Naruto muttered, feeling the lack of warmth in the air around him. So, Sasuke woke him up intentionally. That made much more sense- a ninja like Sasuke could certainly avoid waking up an injured Naruto. It also confused him- why had Sasuke woken him up? Just to have sex?

In any case, the message Sasuke was sending was clear. He'd already taken care of the guard. He was escaping from Konoha tonight.

He was going back to Orochimaru.

Right after they'd finally managed to bring him back.

"Sasuke," Naruto said quietly. "Are you coming back?" Sasuke paused for a moment, a gesture that anyone else would have missed. When he spoke, his voice was even, and his hair was hiding his face.

"Maybe," he said. "When I'm finished." While a _maybe _was better than a _no_, it still wasn't the answer Naruto had been hoping for. Sasuke's cum was dripping out of his ass. He deserved better than a _maybe._

"Promise me you'll come back," he pressed.

Sasuke said nothing.

He pulled his hospital gown back on and headed for the door. Even as if he was now, not fully dressed, reeking of sex, his hair tousled and unkempt, Sasuke still looked as dangerous as ever. He certainly looked like a rogue ninja, one who had severed all of his ties to everyone.

Naruto realized then that he had never responded to Sasuke's request.

_Promise me you won't let anyone else touch you like this. Not ever._

And suddenly, Naruto realized why Sasuke had woken him up.

"Ok," he said. "It's a promise."

Sasuke blinked, an expression of genuine surprise. Then, a tiny smile spread over his face, no teeth showing, but a genuine smile all the same. Naruto hadn't seen that expression on Sasuke's face in years.

When Sasuke climbed out the window and disappeared, Naruto didn't even feel sad. He was sad that Sasuke was leaving yes, but this time, he knew for sure that he'd see him again. Closing his eyes, he lay back down, hovering at the spot between wakefulness and sleep. He never thought he'd ever want to say the words, but the last thought he had before falling asleep was:

_Thanks, Kyuubi._

* * *

><p>WOO! I finished a multi-chap fic! That has happened, like, NEVER! Somebody get me a goddamn prize! Anyway, this was meant to be posted last week but my computer is broken so I'm uploading it from my mom's computer, which is sort of awkward. Don't think about it too hard. And apparently, like, EVERYBODY hated chapter 6, since no one but my beta reviewed it. LOL.<p>

MERRY CHRISTMAS!


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